BabyFat

Wow, I haven’t been on B/S for almost a year! I am in a vicious cycle. Every year I am in the same place. Signing back on to B/S pledging this is it. Well, this time I am not going to say this is it. I am hoping this is it.   A friend had gastric bypass and I am feeling really alone. I wasn’t the only “big” girl in the group but now I don’t have that comfort. I know, this may be good but all these years I have not been successful and surgery is not an option for me. What is a girl to do? Today was my first day actually making a concious effort to eat healthy.  Everyone around me is losing weight and looking at me like why can’t I too. I don’t have that answer. Well, here’s to making changes. Have a wonderful night everyone and remember, “What you do today may inspire someone tomorrow”.

I am actully making progress. I have lost 7 pounds since I started this journey again 6 weeks ago. It would have been a time when I would have wanted to lose 7 pounds in a day. I know now that I need to step it up. I want to lose 2 pounds a week. I’m almost there. I am pleased that I am not on any fad diet. I am exercising 3-4 times a week. I am learning what to eat. I hope that I can get a better grip on portion control and snacking at night. I do very well all day but when I am at home I lose control. They say our eating goes deeper than what we eat so maybe I am unhappy while I am home. I don’t know just some random thoughts. I lost an inch around my waist. Well, my daughter has lost her Ipod so she needs me “desperately”.

Remember,”What you do today may inspire someone tomorrow”

I bought myself a summer dress. It’s sleeveless. One of my goals is to wear sleeveless clothes. I have not worn a summer dress in over 8 years. I was pregnant with my son so maybe it has been 10 years. I have been doing really good with my exercise. I have moved up to 6 minutes on the eliptical.  I feel like I am on my way. I had a moment of fear while working out at the gym.  All of  a sudden I had a thought of what if I don’t continue. What if I don’t make it again?  I shook it off but it was scary. My aunt is visiting from California for 3 weeks……  I am drained, I really don’t know how to tell everything that has gone on but I am doing good. Oh! I lost two pounds. How could I forget that?  I have 20 pounds to go until I reach my mini goal. Well, I have alot of catching up to do. My computer has been on the blitz so have a wonderful night.

Remember, “What you do today may inspire someone tomorrow”

R

Before I get to my blog let me tell you about the ”little” girl vs. the “big” girl.  I was on the eliptical feeling good! I mounted the beast that I had feared but desire for so long. The first time I tried it I only lasted 1 minute with stops in between. So I’m on this huge machine (lol) and I’m riding. Chest poked out, proud and I’m strokin’! (not having a stroke but pedaling proudly So here come the new ”small” girl. She looks my way and I seen it in her eyes and she said oh!, if she can ride it I know I can! Well, she got on and she was strokin’ but she was about to have a stroke. She was laying on the machine literally. That was so funny. I gave her a few pointers told her I was done because I was not going to kill myself. LoL! 

Ok, so I have been here but not writing any blogs. I have not been happy about what I have been doing.  I have been working out really good. I have not missed a day and I love and look forward to going to the gym. I actully put that on my title page but edited it because I am now going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I am also eating good all day and then eat horrible at night. I missed breakfast because I started my day late so by the time I was able to eat at work it was after 2pm so I decided to eat my lunch.  ok, so I ate an apple for a snack but missed my other apple I had planned for the day. I am learning the more I eat the less likely I am to binge at night. so, anyway “We” ordered stromboli for dinner and I ate three pieces maybe four but truely don’t remember.  Any how, last week I said my husband was sabotaging me but I am sabotaging myself. I am working out so hard but not eating right. Why can’t I ever do both at he same time. When I eat right I don’t exercise never both at the same time. I know you get tired of supporting the same people over and over but I know I must do right. I do feel I have more control over what I eat and I have not given up which is a big step in the right direction. A lady brought in homemade Banana nut bread and I only ate a sliver. Those are little steps for me and I wonder do I have too many high expectations. If you are still reading this is me going through a thought process no sorry for the rambling.  Ok, I am moving in the right direction. I must now focus on making my family part of eating healthy. I went to the grocery store yesterday and I bought all fresh fruit and veggies. I am not going to quit. I have to change my life myself.  God gave me dominion over the earth and I have control over my eating. (ok, I might have to say that alot) Have a wonderful weekend!

I am sorry for venting about the bachelor. I totally forgot about the time zones. The show has not aired everywhere. Sorry!

Ok, so by the title you can tell I am a huge fan of The Bachelor. I was rooting for Melissa all along and he proposed to her. Ok, so why did he dump her and go back for the one he originally dumped.  He is so full of it. He proposed to Melissa and now took his ring back and wants to date Mollie that he sent home crying.  I can’t believe this. I am so mad!  I was mad at Deanna for letting him get down on one knee to propose to her and he turns around and not only proposes but then takes the ring back!  What kind of mess is that?!!  He is full of Shit! I know this has nothing to do with weight loss but I am taking this personally (lol). Sad, but true.  Maybe they will let Melissa become the next bachelorette. I am so mad! I hope hope Jimmy Kemmel gives him a hard time tonight on the show. Well, I have vented enough for now. Thanks for the outlet and I will do my real blog later.

Today was a good day. I worked out today. I decided to do more cardio since I have so much work to do. I am continuing to do my thirty minutes on the treadmill but I also did the fitness program on the bike. I only lasted 10 minutes but boy was it a workout. I felt like I did more on the bike than my whole workout. I want to build my endurance and I think I have found out how to do that. My husbad bought me a bike last summer and I want to ride without nearly passing out. Maybe I should start walking the treadmill at an incline. Any suggestions. I am 302 pounds but I am walking the treadmill at 2.8-3.0 and I’ve started to run for one minute @4.5. I also do weights. I am not quite comfortable talking to a trainer, trust me it was a miracle for me to go to the gym in the first place. Eventually I will ask for guidance but til then I will take any suggestions.

B-oatmeal/ apple

L-1 cup of tuna with crackers

D- 10 piece chkn nugget, fry and pop

Boy, I STRUGGLED blogging that. I wanted to skip over that but I must be accountable.

Oh, I went to the Dr today and their scale showed I weigh 299. I am going to continue to go by my scale which shows 302 but I was excited to show a change for my physical. I talked alot about nutrition also. Although my insurance won’t cover me seeing a dietician she gave me a website to check out. I am on the right road. Thank God!

Well, I have been finding myself allowing foods that aren’t so good. Today I didn’t eat breakfast which started my day off bad. For lunch I ordered lasagna from the turkey farm. I made it seem like i was making a good choice because it was turkey lasagna forget all the cheese and noodles in it. I didn’t have any snacks today no apples I like to eat two apples a day as a snack but the serving of lasagna was so big I didn’t want anything else. Today was my day to cook and the family wanted tuna (easy) so I ate 2 cups of tuna with crackers. I go to the Dr tomorrow and I am going to ask her to refer me to a dietician. I think that would be covered by my insurance. I need help. I will count all my calories tomorrow and I guess I will make my goal 1500 calories for the day. I don’t know if that is too much. I work out tomorrow and I can’t wait. I can’t believe that I am excited to workout. I love the feeling that I am accomplishing something. I am working out hard and I think that I need to invest that much time into finding out how to make my body respond with food.  Warning! this is my self thinking out loud so you don’t have to continue to read. I am so emotional right now at this moment. I have this love affair with food and I can’t break up with it. Have you ever had a lover that made you feel so good but was so bad for you. I want so bad to be myself again. I have lost myself along the way. I use to style my hair, wear heals, and never stayed home. Now all is reversed. I called my dad to tell him that I started working out and of course I had to listen to him say basically he was glad because he was tired of watching me committ suicide.  I know that sounds harsh but that’s what he meant. I have never shared these feelings in a blog but I can’t stop typing.  Why can’t I make this happen and leave the fear of failing AGAIN behind. I think I have so much anxiety about failing.  I think I know what it is. I am all over the place. This is the first time I have tried losing weight without some fad diet and I am scared. People think that I am being funny when I say I have no idea what a carb is besides knowing it’s bread. I don’t know the first thing about nutrition. My mother put sugar in everything she cooks, nothing is ever taken into consideration as to what it does to you.  Ok, enough I don’t know what’s going on emotionally but I am no where near quitting but I need to sit down and rethink some things. Here’s my new goals:

• Plan each meal for the entire week
• Request to see a dietician
• Workout upped to 4 days a week/see trainer learn what each exercise does
• Blog true feelings everyday
• Continue to blog food
• Style hair everyday and makeup

Today I increased my workout regimen. Although I had to slow down on the treadmill from 3.0 to 2.8 because I starting having minor chest pains I still ran my minutes at 4.5. That made me very proud of myself. I did one mile on the bike, and two minutes on the elyptical! That was so hard for me. I had to talk to myself to continue on the elyptical. I also did my weight training. I didn good for my food choices. All in all today was a good day. I’ve noticed everyone seems to be doing better today.

B-1 packet oatmeal /apple

L-sandich w pita bread

snack apple

D- grilled ckn, mash potatos

This weekend was not the way I planned. Well, I know today is Monday but I had a vacation day today so it’s like it’s still the weekend. Well, I must say I ate whatever I wanted. I have a sabotoger in the house. I’m not using this as an excuse because I have to learn how to deal with it. My husband agreed to start this journey with me. We both agreed to change habits, workout and do this together. Well, he quit less than a week in. I have worked out diligently not missing a day, eating healthy and making great choices.  This weekend “we” ate pizza, chinese, candy, and whatever else came my way.  Everyday he wanted something he knows I love. He actually wanted to go to a chinese buffett. He hates those things. Thank God for the weekday. I feel I have more control during the week. I felt like crap during my workout because of the food that I ate. I really felt the difference. Although I didn’t eat right this weekend I worked out and I still feel great about the future. I am not guilt ridden but I did ride the “oh you might as well” ride since I messed up the first day instead of saying ok one day. But, tomorrow is a new day and I am ready for it.

Remember,”what you do today may inspire someone tomorrow”-Tanae